Nica Post: Video...Taxonomy of Surf Wipeouts

Surfing lacks a consistent system of describing its failures. Spat Out in Glory has undertaken to classify the sport's moments of futility into a hierarchy that lets us communicate clearly about our failures.

See below for classifications and their application to the video of Spat taking saline nasal douches after the jump. ...

Said video chronicles a few varieties of the wipeout in pathetically small surf ... surf so small a wipeout in itself is laughable. For a large portion of the footage, where Spat is out of the frame, you can accurately deduce his location as under water and his body position as fetal.

Below, the taxonomy, part 1.

Board Abandonment: Voluntary vs. Involuntary

Fall Timing: Takeoff, Pop Up, Bottom Turn

Body Trajectory: Fore, Aft, Port or Starboard

Board Attitude: Pearl, Slide Out, List (Port vs. Starboard)

Arm Dynamics: Windmill, Parade Dress, Sieg Heil, English Tea Pinkie, Swan, the Wave

Leg Dynamics: Goose Step, Knee Lock, Warrior One, Warrior Two, Warrior Three

Torso Dynamics: Grand Mal Back Arch, Fetal Ball, Fecal Crouch, Clean and Jerk, Jack Knife, Arabesque

As new genera, orders and species are discovered, Spat will flesh out the taxonomy. Aspiring taxonomists can help evolve the system.

An illustrated example: In the video below (if it ever loads, because Vimeo kinda sucks) the first wipeout depicted would be classified as and Involuntary Pop Up Aft Windmilling Clean and Jerk.

And with that, Linnaeus can SUGGIT.

Spat Out in Glory/Dailies/The Wipeout Taxonomy, Part 1 from Greg Baumann on Vimeo.